"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." Anais Nin

breathing lessons

Am I ahead or behind? I was chatting today with the feminist minister who performed my wedding, and she said I was learning things most women come to at around 50...that would put me 10 years ahead of schedule.
My response is, thank Goddess. Not that 50 is old, but I am so grateful to be here now so I can enjoy the ride that much longer. I do, however, feel like there is so much I am coming to late because I had such a sheltered upbringing. I have had, most of my life, this feeling that everyone else knows what's going on except me. I'm a brunette with a whole lotta blonde moments.

But what a ride now that I'm aware. I am evolving into a politically active, feminist, spiritual, Goddess loving Libertine. I have no clue where it’s taking me, and that makes it all about the journey…which is how it should be.

So, in on of those states of too-much-change-at-one-time-
what-the-fuck-is-going-on I went to the Big National Bookstore last week because I was frustrated and couldn't think of anything else I wanted to do, and sat and read. I actually scored an upholstered chair right next to the aise of books from which I was reading.  I'm sure the fact that is was a rainy Monday had nothing to do with it.
A gentleman sat down across from me and pulled out a sketchpad and started drawing from the book he had open. Every few minutes I would hear.."oooh"...or ..." ahaa".  He got up to leave and  we started talking.  He is a painter starting his own gallery and he was looking for other contributing artists. We exchanged cards and he left.  It was cool, but I didn't attach any expectations to it.
But he did call and we met and looked at our work and the space.......and we are doing a show together.  I am so excited.
 He does quite ornate, gothic, mythic, allegorical paintings.   The idea is to present my photographs and his paintings together...not in different rooms. They will hang side by side in a Victorian-style gallery in a hip, artsy neighborhood. (my 17yr old says that just using the word “hip” is so not cool. Whatever.)   I am very excited by the opportunity to hang my first show, and that it will be so….unusual. It will be quite a learning experience, and a lot of fun. My challenge will be to adhere to my artistic vision while creating a central theme for both styles.  We have set a tentative date of May 19th.  We'll do our own press, and that will be a challenge. Even as I say that I know I have friends who could help me with it, so I may call in some favors with the hip (oops) graphic designer chic  or the public relations firm I've been working with.

The whole thing scares me too. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Posted by: brutallycurious at March 30, 2006 20:02 | link | comments (4)
art , space

another trip down memory lane...

seven days

Jul. 12th, 2004 | 10:01 pm
mood: relaxed
music: Vertigo

Posted by: brutallycurious at March 27, 2006 20:23 | link | comments

Posted by: brutallycurious at March 27, 2006 19:46 | link | comments (1)

forging a new me

I felt like looking in the mirror the other day to make sure I was still me. I still wear heels (sometimes), do my hair, wear makeup,  and have a  southern flavor to my persona  (not a southern belle, which is a different trap I am happy I escaped).
I have, however, taken a left turn politically. I used to be content to straddle a fence on most any political issue. Now, I have some very clearcut ideas on abortion, women's rights, and environmental issues. Knowing who I am suddenly has real political implications. If I truly embrace A, then B follows in practice and in society.

I surprise myself. I really did not expect a spiritual/artistic journey to have political implications, but this is the point of much of what I"ve been reading....what we believe about ourselves as humans and the relationship to the Universe or some Higher Being has real and direct implications on how we treat ourselves, the people around us, and our physical surroundings.  Politics cannot be divorced from spirituality...although it rightly should be divorced from religion.  I now firmly believe we cannot make substantive changes in the direction of nations or this planet until the majority of parties involved understand this and embrace....each other. No one religion or belief system is needed....just a sense that we are all in this together and while we take care of ourselves, we also take care of each other.

I don't know if this is incompatible with capitalism, but it certainly runs counter to materialism, greed, and any endeavor which undermines the inherent worth of every individual. In the last twenty years, we have made progress in both directions....taking care of each other, and simultaneously abusing each other and our world. We ignore the pain around the globe...and trade in our cars every 2 years. Sigh. I really am not comfortable yet with being on a soapbox. I don't want to be a "screaming liberal".  I guess I'll just leave it at....I am reassessing my choices, and not only will my personal life reflect these changes, so will my art.

I don't know where this is leading me artistically. I still find it a huge challenge every day to quiet the mind and follow my intuition. I set goals, and then beat myself up when I don't "accomplish" anything. I didn't do today what I set out to do, but I did follow my heart and thoroughly enjoyed it.  I don't envision politically charged art in my path, but never say never.

Posted by: brutallycurious at March 27, 2006 19:26 | link | comments
art , authenticity

Poetry

I've been archiving my journal entries from another website, and thus re-living my life of the last few years. Some entries really strike me again with their pain and their beauty.

02.04.04
silence
sometimes pain mourning  loss cannot be borne by words or even sounds.
So they hover like quiet, dense fog and wait to be burned off
by the sunshine that comes in its own time and its own way.

01.21.04

Easy swagger, fluid stride
The couple glides down the strip of concrete. A dark mass of ringlets , smooth pale skin covering
delicate hands reach out for his as slender legs move forward with grace.
Now they are looking for the signs to change allowing them to move ahead without danger
towards
the other side
where clean smooth sand stretches, moving endlessly
in and out of the water.
They will lay in the warm sunshine, hold hands, gaze into
each others aloneness and forget their own for
a little while. later the winds shift .
Clouds lightly blanket the sun, hiding the warmth
sending the two boys scurrying as rain descends.
he wraps a towel around the pale shivering shoulders. they run
back across the road, ignoring the flashing lights
for if they had waited
for permission, love would not be
theirs.

Posted by: brutallycurious at March 22, 2006 17:13 | link | comments
poetry, emotions

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