"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." Anais Nin

hands outstretched, balancing on the blade...

Life is a delicate balancing act right now. I am helping out at the bank again from 10-2 each day,  and my artistic side is not suffering, but it is complaining. At least I know now how to nurture it and take care of myself. I took tonight off, doing nothing but hanging out. I don't think the bank gig will make it more than another 2 weeks. I can't take too much of it.
The weekend shoot went great. I was careful to take control of the shoot and not let other's agendas get in the way. It was a good thing, too, because not only was I dealing with my hairdresser/client, (i'll call her Queen Latifah for now because that is what one review of her salon called her) but I ended up photographing 11 different models. It was exhausting. By the time I was halfway through and shooting a friend of hers and mine, the friend was getting offended because I wasn't talking much. I was so tired. But I managed to focus my energy to the end, solving technical problems and getting good looks from them.
We were shooting hair models for Queen's website and she had this idea of wanting certain "looks" based on demographics of "normal" people, not the magazine type models. I thought it was a great idea, and she recruited some of her best clients.....gay men, mother-daughter couples, pregnant women, large women, professionals. One of the models was a gallery owner/photographer I've been talking to about showing my work. We talked equipment. She's not easy to get close to, so I was glad for the chance to just chat with her.

The downside to such a great wealth of models is the wealth of pictures. I have 500 proofs to review and pick from. I haven't even started. Monday I was with Queen at the audition, which I'l get to in a minute. Tuesday was the day with my daughter and today I just collapsed after a 4 oclock meeting and a submission deadline for an art show.

Oh, yeah, that. I submitted 3 pieces of work to an exhibition scheduled for May/June. This is huge for me because actually putting my work "out there" is my biggest obstacle. it was hard....it scared me. But I did it and made it in before the deadline.

So...this audition on Monday was for Split Ends, a reality show on Style or E...can't remember which. it went just okay...it's hard to get my client to understand how to overcome the tendency to clam up in front of a camera. She's a natural drama queen, but she does lose some on camera. Once back in the car, sure enough, she was at it again. But the poor on-camera interview is balanced by an amazing video she filmed back in October for Top Hair, and they will look at that too.

My week continues...I have a little rest tomorrow night,(which really should be spent working on proofs) and then back to Charleston Friday. I am volunteering Friday night at the Sophia Institute. My goal is to be involved with them on a monthly basis, volunteering and learning and hopefully being able to add value to their endeavors with my talents.

I'm ready for a few slow days. None in sight for at least a week....

Posted by: brutallycurious at February 28, 2007 22:51 | link | comments
balancing on the blade, sophia institute

i'm really tired. really really tired, and i have a photo shoot tomorrow. Today I drove to Athens to pick up my daughter, then spent 3 hours on my feet schmoozing and networking at a neighborhood event where I got to show my work. Not too hard....but i'm tired.
Tomorrow a marathon shoot of 6-8 hair models, then monday it's some work for the bank in the morning, followed by an audition for a reality TV show. Yeah, that's right.
Did I mention this in October? I can't remember. My crazy hairstylist auditioned for Top Stylist...or whatever they call it...in october. We did a portfolio for her then and another friend helped her do a video.  They didn't call her back. But just last week some other show did call her to audition for them. She got the bright idea to take her photographer with her...so I'm going. Hopefully by Monday afternoon I won't be completely fried and I'll be able to coherently tell them how wonderful and fucked up she is. How else would you describe a hairdresser...hair stylist...hair artist. I don't even know the right term anymore.
The hair model shoot tomorrow is for her website, which Singing Arrow and I are designing for her...this means, of course, that I will get free haircuts and color for a very long time :) Barter is a wonderful thing.

ok..off to bed.

Posted by: brutallycurious at February 24, 2007 21:27 | link | comments (1)

My cat, Kiki, showing me what she thinks of my latest painting.

Posted by: brutallycurious at February 16, 2007 11:52 | link | comments (1)

i've been staring at this blank white square for a few days waiting for something to happen. I know when I write I'll feel better, but for now all the stories in my life are tangled and messy with emotion. Nothing new with that...but they are still kinda raw.

In the midst of rawness, I took the weekend off to go back to the Sophia Institute for a workshop with Jean Shinoda Bolen. Ahh. It was wonderful. Serious women-bonding and spiritual talk. I hadn't planned to go....I was thinking it would be cool, but did not decide to go until Thursday night. I had to check with my mom and ask if I could stay with her, and pack in a few hours.
The trip was completely worth it because all the topics Jean covered were things i've been working on for several weeks. Coincidence? No. In fact, there were SO MANY  synchronicities between my experience and her teaching, I couldn't name them all.  We talked about feeling one's calling or "assignment" and responding to it. Her emphasis was on the third stage of a woman's life when the busy-ness is over and she can turn her focus inward to herself and outward to finding a way to give back to the world....usually known as the Crone stage in Jungian psychology.  (This would be that stage that InMyLife said i reached ten years earlier than most.  I didn't really believe that fully until now, but I also found a few other 40ish women there who were "early" too!)
She was quite a story teller....she talked without notes, seeming to ramble but rambling in such wonderful places and always coming back to her point.  As a Jungian analyst, she uses the power in archetypes and fables. My therapist is Jungian trained, although she doesn't use it primarily, so I was familiar with the all of the stories and their symbolism.
And my post about the gods/goddesses coming to me to represent my artistic life? yeah. she talked about that too.
The most touching moment came when, in this room of 50 women and two men, an elderly gentleman who had been sitting quietly the whole weekend raised his hand. She had been talking about flowing with Life...letting go of the people who move in and out of one's life. He asked "how do you let go?" and, choking back tears, told the story of his wife of 51 years dying 3 months ago. Jean's book had been on his wife's nightstand, and after she died he picked it up, read it, and had found meaning in it and insight into his wife's spiritual life. He was now embracing the Sacred Feminine within himself and looking for healing and wholeness.
You could just feel the love and heartbreak emanating from him, and nearly the entire room of women were crying.  It was a powerful reminder of the love that can exist between two people who treat each other with such deep respect.
Jean's compassionate advice to him was fascinating. She described how men in a relationship depend on the woman to be their safe haven...the vessel of their emotional life. When that safe space in which to express the emotional life is gone, it can lead to the common sight of a man either dying or re-marrying within a year.
Her advice to him was to find outlets for his emotion....to express outwardly, but also to find that place in his heart where his wife still lives and hold his emotion there...basically making room for his own feminine energy in his heart.
I still choke up thinking about it. He was an amazing man...he was already demonstrating great courage and love by just being there among us and sharing his heart.  We were all moved and awed by it and told him so.
After the seminar, I drove a few blocks to the Harbor and looked out at the expanse of water,  hearing it lap against the Battery wall, smelling the salt and pluff mud below. The water washed through my emotional landscape taking the debris with it and nourishing the ground within my soul. I came home encouraged and strengthened.

Posted by: brutallycurious at February 15, 2007 11:51 | link | comments (3)
mythology, bg the therapist

mounting the courage to live

"But I am no artist, you may protest. Yet is your life any less a canvas because you do not paint? is your voice any less potent because you do not give it a pen? Is your soul barren of song because you compose no notes? No, a thousand times! Life well lived is the greatest art of all. The art of your life is not a matter of talent. It is a matter of MOUNTING THE COURAGE TO LIVE.

It's mounting the courage to SEE what you really are, to be dazzled by the Radiance that is You. Mounting the courage to imagine what this world could be. Mounting the courage to die a thousand deaths to LIVE one to the fullest. Translate the pains of hell into a new song. Lovely apparations of possibilities as yet undreamed await those whose hands are strong and steady enough to hew away the rough walls and make their creative vision a manifest reality."

Zen and the Art of Making a Living,  Laurence G. Boldt, page 170.

"to be nobody-but-yourself  - in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else -  means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."
e.e. cummings

Posted by: brutallycurious at February 08, 2007 15:04 | link | comments (3)