"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." Anais Nin

big house in the woods...

we have found a lovely house in the woods outside atlanta. i. am. tired. and we haven't even moved yet.

I haven't lived ex-urban in 15 years. it will be a big adjustment and i am soooo ready for it.

Posted by: brutallycurious at July 31, 2008 09:03 | link | comments

No, i'm not panicking...why do you ask??

it is interesting to note today that we move in 5 days, and have no idea where we will be living. there are hundreds of houses available to rent or lease/purchase, and lord knows we've been looking. I  have always loved following the real estate maket and finding properties i like. But we have this nasty habit of falling in love with a house and being serially monogamous. we stop looking. twice now, we have found a "perfect" house, only to have the details kill the deal.
the first house was because we wanted a lease/purchase and he got a purchase offer before we had signed a contract. I don't blame him, I would have done that too. But the house had sat empty for several years and suddenly sold within a week??
second time, the owners wanted terms for a lease/purchase that didn't work for us. instead of negotiating to find a middle ground, they just stopped communicating and never responded to our contract. weird, huh? They seemed pressed for cash, and maybe they found someone else (in the 4 days since we submitted a contract) that could give it to them, but that seems unlikely.  I think they got "offended" by our offer..an attitude which i think isn't going to make it easier for them to sell it.
what is going on with the housing market. does anybody really understand? i was talking to the leasing agent on the house we are leaving, and she was telling me all sorts of horror stories about renters being forced out of foreclosed homes, burglaries being on the rise (we've been burgled 4 times, hence the reason we are leaving) and the general instability of the market.
is the owner on the second house really so inundated with potential buyers she can ignore us? i just thought the HOUSES outnumbered the potential inhabitants.

so...we trudge on. there are great opportunities a little further out, and you know when you get further from the city housing gets cheaper. we are ready for more space and more safety.

life would be pretty simple if that was the only thing on my mind this week. my mother is ill and is facing surgery in a couple of weeks to remove a cancerous kidney. The woman has survived so many things in her lifetime and I know she is strong, but it disturbs me that she is not so sure. She is getting all her affairs in order so that she can be at peace before she goes in.
When she and my dad divorced years ago, the children rallied around her and have been devoted to her ever since. she has all 4 of us to depend on and we'd do anything for her...and yet we cannot make her better. we can only support her and pray for her.
I plan to be there in a couple of weeks when she has surgery. One of my sisters has already moved back into town to help her through this, and for that i am quite grateful.  My mom will be in good hands with her.

My world is rather upside down at the moment. I am unsettled but not shaken. I am taking it one moment at a time and that ability to be present with this moment seems to be helpful.

more tomorrow...

Posted by: brutallycurious at July 28, 2008 11:54 | link | comments

grace

amazing grace, how sweet the sound.... what does grace sound like? if all things resonate (and I believe they do), what music does grace exude? this is what i'm pondering today.. i've also wondered about the meaning of grace. historically i've had no context for grace other than religion. Does it have a meaning apart from a connection to God? Somehow it does to me but it is not well formed in my understanding.

Posted by: brutallycurious at July 21, 2008 17:54 | link | comments (2)

ooof

real world re-entry is rough. i wanna go back to bed.

Posted by: brutallycurious at July 07, 2008 11:49 | link | comments (3)

sitting on the dock of the bay....watching the tide slip away...

resting, eating, painting, photographing the herons and lizards.....

losing track of time in Cedar key....

Posted by: brutallycurious at July 01, 2008 14:45 | link | comments (4)